The WGA Strike: What's a TV lover to do?

Oh, no. We are in serious trouble here. My well-worn sofa recliner, which I had hoped to replace within months, is now destined to last up to ten years. That's right. With no new television programs to watch until the Writers' Guild of America (WGA) strike ends, what reason will I have to lurk there for hours on end, extending and retracting my bent and damaged recliner until it breaks off and--oh, no--I have to go shopping for new furniture?

As is common in my life, now that I will actually have time to shop for new furniture, I have no legitimate reason to do so. Really, what's the point of outfitting my family room with a cushy new sectional, only so I can arrange and rearrange it in front of a blank TV screen? I mean, this really is going to mess with my feng shui. If my TV can no longer be the focal point of my family room, what the heck am I going to do? Re-orient everything in front of the--gasp--fireplace? That sounds good until you realize it takes WORK to build and tend a fire while it only takes minor thumb action to run my TV remote. You do the math.

I can take solace in the fact that at least I only have a measly 27-inch TV. What of my TV-loving brethren watching their 52-inch HDTVs go blank for months on end? I think I hear "Taps" playing in the distance.

I know, I know. I should read a book. I do read books, but there is simply no substitute for mind-numbing, sloth-building, extended TV watching. I could watch 24-hour news and reality show vermin, but really, that grows stale all too quickly. What I really need is a fix of a good serial drama, or an idiotic sitcom, or even a late-night talk show to do the trick--preferably all of the above in succession to make up a five-hour nonstop night of brain gelatinizing fun.

This could be a turning point in American life. We just may cave to the steady diet of prime-time game shows and that all-new reality favorite, "The Bachelor is no American Idol or American Gladiator but a Survivor of The Biggest Loser Apprentice." Or, we may take this TV hiatus and use the time to pursue our dreams, nurture our families, better our communities, and reclaim our heretofore watered-down humanity.

Wait a minute. That could make a very intriguing reality show. Get me a webcam! But first, get me off this couch.